Deal with Stress Today

Donna Marie Consulting

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Asking for Help is Essential to Managing Stress

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Certain individuals are hardwired to withstand higher stress levels than others, and something that may be incredibly stressful to one person may be only slightly irritating to another. Although we all react to stress in unique ways, one thing is consistently certain: stress affects everyone at some point in their life. If we know stress is a normal, presumptive aspect of the human condition, why do so many stressed out people avoid asking for help?

 

Often, when we are faced with our darkest, most harried or unbearable moments, we shut down, withdraw and become insular. We are embarrassed about the source of our stress, or we feel it is too tiresome to discuss. Most commonly, stress sufferers are afraid that reaching out, admitting they need help, will make them appear weak and out of control.

 

Periods of duress in our lives can strain our ability to think clearly and make sound judgements, so it’s no wonder stress causes people to isolate themselves. Alienating friends and family is a knee jerk defense mechanism, but this will only compound feelings of helplessness. Consulting a professional, like a therapist or a counselor, a friend, family member, spiritual advisor or a support group, is the first step in taking control of the stress and managing it properly. How can each of these support networks help you reduce and manage your stress?

 

Therapist or Counselor

Trained professionals are there to listen and allow you to vent. Since they have been specifically educated to understand a variety of psychological issues, mental health professionals can provide you with coping mechanisms and anti-stress exercises. They may ask you questions, delving into the cause of your stress, thereby helping you to understand and manage it better. A therapist’s office is also a great place to leave stress behind. Spending an hour or two a week unloading in a controlled environment will tell your mind to leave the problems there, with the therapist, instead of carrying them around with you all the time.

 

Friends and Family

Your immediate, built in network of friends and family can be an unparalleled source of comfort. They love you, and do not want to see you collapse under the weight of stress and anxiety. Remember this and do not be ashamed ask for their help. Leaning on a friend or a loved one gives you a chance to cry, hug or even find ways to laugh about your problems. And your close network can help in other ways too. When they ask what they can do for you, tell them what would alleviate some of the strain. They might be willing to watch your kids for a couple hours, run a few errands for you or straighten up your house. If your best friend or a family member needed you, you’d be there for them too.

 

Spiritual Advisors

Spiritual and religious beliefs notwithstanding, many people feel the need to seek spiritual refuge when they are stressed. If your inclination is to hand over your problems to a higher power, this may be the perfect support outlet for you. No, a priest, minister or church counselor cannot physically take away your anxiety or solve your problems for you. But they can guide you to a path of peace and strength through spirituality. You can also create your own spiritual solace through prayer, meditation or breathing.

 

Support Groups

Locate a support group that will connect you with others suffering from stress. It may help to share your thoughts and feelings with those experiencing similar turmoil. A simple Internet search can lead you to a support group in your area, but be sure to research it before you go. Ensure the group is affiliated with a reputable organization and that the facilitator is licensed to practice group support sessions.

 

If you are nervous about asking for help, start slow. There are plenty of books, CDs, DVDs and Internet sources that reinforce the importance of a support network to decreasing and managing stress. Take time to read and learn about what you are going through. Most self-help material will reinforce how critical it is to accept help. Your stress may seem insurmountable, so do not underestimate the power of a solid support system.

Mindfulness Meditation Techniques to Deal with Stress – Part 1

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I write frequently about how to deal with stress using mindfulness meditation. In this series of articles I’m going to go deeper into the practice of mindfulness meditation so you may more effectively include some part of the method I will describe in your daily practice for health and wellbeing. If you don’t already have a daily practice, please follow this series to learn three very simple techniques that will have you reducing your stress in no time at all.

I’ll be focusing on one technique at a time. Before I introduce the first technique, I’d like to give you a little insight into how we typically experience stress and especially how we learn to respond to stressful events in life.

When you are feeling stressed it is because you feel that you cannot control outcomes that you would like. Most of us aren’t really aware of the actual causes of stress. We experience all manner of negative feelings – stress, discomfort, anger, sadness, frustration – in response to events, situations and the behavior of others in our lives.

Most of us believe that external events, situations and behaviors “cause” our distress, and therefore they must be controlled, managed or eliminated somehow in order to reduce our stress. We soon discover it’s not possible to manage all of the things in our lives that bother us. So, we become discouraged believing that we must either put up with ever increasing stress or numb out in some way (often with alcohol or food  – also known as “Happy Hour.”)

Here’s a little model I use to show how stress really works. Instead of the external situation directly causing our stress there are two intervening steps to consider:

We often become aware of stress when we notice our actions or the reactions in our bodies.

We miss the whole intervening process of observation, thought and meaning making, and emotions. It’s not the event, itself that causes stress, it’s our take on it, which then tells us how to feel about it and ultimately how to respond.

Focusing on the negative, distressing aspects of an event or another person’s behavior, or interpret situations as threatening,  causes the stress hormones to flow freely. On the other hand, if you manage your thoughts to be at least neutral or find positive aspects of the situation you will experience far less distress.

You have no control of the many situations going on around you that seem to be the cause of your stress.

However, the one thing that you do have control  over is how you decide to think about those situations.  That is the bottom line.

Managing your thoughts is tricky if you haven’t even been aware of having them. That’s where Mindfulness Meditation comes in. Mindfulness helps you to slow down long enough to become aware of what is happening in your mind, body and emotions where you have more control. Mindfulness meditation helps you to become aware of how your body responds to stress, the emotions you are having and of the thoughts that trigger your emotions.

Mindfulness Meditation Technique #1:

Sit down (right now) and take 5 deep breaths.
Now focus on your breath going in and out.
Notice it without identifying it as “Am I doing this right or wrong?”  Many people stay in their heads when first doing this, so practice on noticing your breathing as is goes in and out, without judgment.

Simple? Easy? Yes it can be.  Practice is the key.  Do this throughout your day.  Set an hourly timer if you want to remind you of this practice.

Doing frequent deep breathing sessions will help you focus in the moment and allow you to notice your thoughts, emotions and tension in your body.

In the next article I will discuss how long held beliefs shape our stress reactions and the second Mindfulness Meditation Technique.

Make your daily practice easy with Donna Marie’s Relaxations for Inner Peace audio program of guided meditations,  soothing music and soundDe-Stress Store.

Check out  Donna Marie’s upcoming experiential workshops at https://dealwithstresstoday.com/events-calendar/

A Mindful and No Cost Gift – Reduce Your Holiday Stress

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As we go through this season of giving, finding the right gift for the right person may have one feel stumped not knowing what to purchase or create for another.

The most rewarding gifts I have given are words  from the heart. They can take the form of a letter with specific acknowledgements to another.

I have sent many Word Gift Letters to family and friends.   Words of gratitude, thankfulness, and/or encouragement fill the soul with love.

Written personal words can take on a deeper heartfelt love.  Many assume others really know how we feel about them, yet often they don’t.  So why not tell them?

Write the letter and trust that you will find the perfect words. The spoken and written word is so powerful when shared with love and compassion.

This season send a letter to someone who has impacted your life; your partner, parent, a care-giver, friend,  lover, family, etc.

I encourage you to stretch outside your self and share with them your appreciation of the relationship.  Recall specific incidences and be creative.

Using loving words from your heart will never be unheard!  Want to top this?  Read it to them in person!

The results are priceless!  Happy Holidays!

Fondly, Donna

Take an Inventory to Successfully Deal with Stress

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Everyone everywhere has fears and stressors that can influence their daily lives to a greater or lesser scale. Many people do not deal with stress that has entered their lives. Stress can pop up in your life in a multitude of ways. Stressors ignored can build beyond the point of manageability. Understanding where your stress is coming from will help you reduce the pressure.

Stress can come from your family, from your kids, from work responsibilities, or from added activities that you place on your own shoulders. Some stress is internal, and can be controlled by daily practices such as meditation, rest, journaling or active communication. Other stress comes from external sources and needs to be dealt with by figuring out active strategies to prevent these added sources of stress from overtaking your life.

Yes, as we see, stress is a part of everyone’s life and cannot be avoided entirely, but by making a few simple choices, you can easily reduce the level of stress in your life and deal with stress once and for all.

Start by doing an inventory of all the added stressors in your life. Try to pinpoint where your own personal stress is coming from. Once you have made your list, begin to target each stressor one by one, to actively find a way to remove it from your life or to find an way to deal with stress specifically.

Do you have to take too many stressful phone calls throughout the day? If so, designate a specific time of day where you will return all your calls, and allow yourself to remain focused at work.

Does your partner or spouse pick fights at home? Schedule some time to sit down and communicate your issues once a week, allowing the rest of the week to be stress free!

Make a list of things that bring joy into your life. Is it taking walks, relaxing with friends, catching up on reading? The more positive energy you bring into your life, the more your stress level will decrease.