Deal with Stress Today

Donna Marie Consulting

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Overcoming Stress of Public Speaking

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Public SpeakingPicture the audience in their underwear. Pretend you are standing in front of a mirror. Pick a spot just above everyone’s head and focus your attention there. Everyone has their own advice for those that are afraid of speaking in public, as many of us are. While some people seem to be born standing and speaking in front of groups, a large percentage of people experience a crippling fear at the prospect. This fear can halt some careers, or prevent future successes. But while most of us believe it is the thought of being in front of so many people that causes us stress, in fact there may be something else triggering these emotions; a memory of a past experience.

We can probably all pin point a time from our childhood when we embarrassed ourselves in front of our peers; putting yourself out there when you are young can be terrifying and young kids are far from forgiving if you make a mistake. A bad experience when young can scar us for life. Eventually we get over the initial embarrassment and as we get older we store the memory away, along with the “feeling state” associated with the event. It is this state that comes back to us as we once again face the prospect of speaking in front of a group. We may not remember the specific event that caused us to feel like we do, but we definitely remember the fear.

Since these fears can resurface when asked to deliver a speech, a toast, or even a prayer at a family dinner, it is best to learn to control them. So, how do we control our fear if it is based on a forgotten experience? The simple answer is; practice. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will be. But it is also important to recognize and understand the “feeling state” which causes us to feel the fear. Once we can understand, and then release the feelings that cause us stress, we can begin to alleviate the fear.  Releasing the fear is a skill that must be learned, and of course practiced, but once mastered your comfort and confidence will increase naturally over time.

Don’t let stress control you and your body; take back that control by simply being mindful.

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Lady deep in thought visualizingOur minds and bodies are talking to us all the time; they tell us when we are stressed, or upset, or unhappy with a situation. By listening to our body’s reactions to a situation we can control how we react to it, the problem is, most of us don’t listen. But, it is possible, through a technique called Mindfulness to be more aware of our bodies and our feelings throughout the day and therefore control the thoughts and actions that lead to stress.

Stressful situations arise all the time and most people assume it is a particular event causing us to feel stressed while in fact it is because we feel we have no control over the situation. These situations and our reactions to them occur so often they have basically become habit. We don’t realize we are tensing our shoulders or grinding our teeth until our bodies become too pained to ignore. Our reactions to stress become as out of control as the situation.

One thing we can have control over is our thoughts. So, to avoid habitual stress, and to become more in control of our thoughts, feelings, and reactions, we must begin to practice mindfulness throughout the day.  Being mindful simply requires taking some time to become aware of what is going on around us at any given moment. Not trying to change or control a situation, but simply concentrating on what is happening and the feelings or thoughts you are experiencing.

Being mindful, without trying to control or change, can take some practice. Try this; if you are feeling particularly stressed or out of sorts, stop what you are doing and focus on your thoughts; what were you thinking about that caused you to feel like this? Take a moment to clear your head and concentrate on the here and now, not the future or what needs to be done.

Practice this habit throughout your day. Before you go into a meeting take a few deep breaths and don’t focus on anything else except those breaths. While sitting at your desk, focus on the task at hand instead of what you need to do later. Use all five senses to be totally aware of the present moment and what your thoughts are doing to your body. Once you are aware of your thoughts, you can begin to control them. Using this control you can change how you perceive a situation and what it does to your body.

Don’t let stress control you and your body; take back that control by simply being mindful.

Asking for Help is Essential to Managing Stress

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Certain individuals are hardwired to withstand higher stress levels than others, and something that may be incredibly stressful to one person may be only slightly irritating to another. Although we all react to stress in unique ways, one thing is consistently certain: stress affects everyone at some point in their life. If we know stress is a normal, presumptive aspect of the human condition, why do so many stressed out people avoid asking for help?

 

Often, when we are faced with our darkest, most harried or unbearable moments, we shut down, withdraw and become insular. We are embarrassed about the source of our stress, or we feel it is too tiresome to discuss. Most commonly, stress sufferers are afraid that reaching out, admitting they need help, will make them appear weak and out of control.

 

Periods of duress in our lives can strain our ability to think clearly and make sound judgements, so it’s no wonder stress causes people to isolate themselves. Alienating friends and family is a knee jerk defense mechanism, but this will only compound feelings of helplessness. Consulting a professional, like a therapist or a counselor, a friend, family member, spiritual advisor or a support group, is the first step in taking control of the stress and managing it properly. How can each of these support networks help you reduce and manage your stress?

 

Therapist or Counselor

Trained professionals are there to listen and allow you to vent. Since they have been specifically educated to understand a variety of psychological issues, mental health professionals can provide you with coping mechanisms and anti-stress exercises. They may ask you questions, delving into the cause of your stress, thereby helping you to understand and manage it better. A therapist’s office is also a great place to leave stress behind. Spending an hour or two a week unloading in a controlled environment will tell your mind to leave the problems there, with the therapist, instead of carrying them around with you all the time.

 

Friends and Family

Your immediate, built in network of friends and family can be an unparalleled source of comfort. They love you, and do not want to see you collapse under the weight of stress and anxiety. Remember this and do not be ashamed ask for their help. Leaning on a friend or a loved one gives you a chance to cry, hug or even find ways to laugh about your problems. And your close network can help in other ways too. When they ask what they can do for you, tell them what would alleviate some of the strain. They might be willing to watch your kids for a couple hours, run a few errands for you or straighten up your house. If your best friend or a family member needed you, you’d be there for them too.

 

Spiritual Advisors

Spiritual and religious beliefs notwithstanding, many people feel the need to seek spiritual refuge when they are stressed. If your inclination is to hand over your problems to a higher power, this may be the perfect support outlet for you. No, a priest, minister or church counselor cannot physically take away your anxiety or solve your problems for you. But they can guide you to a path of peace and strength through spirituality. You can also create your own spiritual solace through prayer, meditation or breathing.

 

Support Groups

Locate a support group that will connect you with others suffering from stress. It may help to share your thoughts and feelings with those experiencing similar turmoil. A simple Internet search can lead you to a support group in your area, but be sure to research it before you go. Ensure the group is affiliated with a reputable organization and that the facilitator is licensed to practice group support sessions.

 

If you are nervous about asking for help, start slow. There are plenty of books, CDs, DVDs and Internet sources that reinforce the importance of a support network to decreasing and managing stress. Take time to read and learn about what you are going through. Most self-help material will reinforce how critical it is to accept help. Your stress may seem insurmountable, so do not underestimate the power of a solid support system.

Four Simple Ideas to Deal with Stress Right Now

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Are you a person that must deal with stress on a daily basis? Is life bringing you more downs then ups? Are you finding that you are more and more stressed out in your day to day life? If this describes you to a “T”, don’t worry! There are many all natural ways to deal with stress in your life. All you need to focus on are a few simple steps, and you will soon be on your way to a calmer, more productive life!

One of the most important things to think about when combating stress regularly is your breathing. When many folks get stressed out or frustrated they forget to breathe, or may begin breathing too shallowly. When either of these things happens, it contributes to your feeling of pressure or anxiety! In order to combat this symptom, you need to remember to breathe. Sounds simple, but for some, it takes a bit of effort.

Did you know that deep breathing, in addition to relaxing you, will also bring many additional help benefits into your life? Your deep breathing in stressful situations will help increase your brain activity and functionality, reduce the feelings of pressure, help you relax so you can think out your situation as clearly as possible and in general enhance your mental well being. How can you garner all these benefits?

When you are in a situation that demands a lot of you, and you can feel yourself breathing shallowly, make a concerted effort to take just a few deep breaths. Try to breathe deeply into your abdomen and slowly release the air. You may be shocked to find out that this simple “treatment” can help you deal with stress extremely effectively!

There is another very simple way for you to reduce stress in your life! Try to find a few situations in which you can pause for a moment to give thanks for something in your life. In our fast paced lives we may not regularly pause to give thanks for any of the things we have in our lives. Giving thanks reminds us that we are lucky to have what we do, even when stress seems to be infiltrating our lives.

Additionally, you can take the time to be kind to others. Go out of your way to help someone, spend some time volunteering or helping out a charity. Doing something selfless will allow you some time away from your own personal stressors.

Finally, make some time to laugh. Laughter, as they say, is the best medicine, especially when it comes to dealing with stress! Find a TV show that amuses you, have a conversation with a friend that makes you laugh, and you will find that the simple route to deal with stress in your life starts as simply as one step at a time!