Deal with Stress Today

Donna Marie Consulting

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Stress and Grief

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Mum regrets the daughterWe experience pressures in our lives every day and when those pressures start piling up and get to be too much for us to handle we can begin to feel like a stick that is about to break.

When grief from a loss combines with daily stresses the feeling of being overwhelmed can heighten stress and make us feel weak and close to snapping.

Stress can lead to a number of health problems and can zap us of energy and a zest for life. But when we learn how to perceive stress and learn different ways of managing it, we can begin to strengthen and learn how not to break under pressure.

3 KEY Stress Reduction Techniques to Help with Grief

We all have our own ways of dealing with stress, some healthy, some not so healthy. When stress and grief combine after a loss or death it can be significantly harder to choose healthy ways of dealing. While we might feel like shouting at everyone and everything, might be afraid to go to sleep at night and may turn to unhealthy habits to make us feel better, these can all make the problem worse. Some healthier and more productive ways to deal with stress include; meditation and prayer, relaxation and sleep, and healthy eating and exercising.

Meditation and Prayer:

When grieving, our natural instincts often lead us to retreat inside of ourselves. And while reflection can be helpful, we often choose to dwell on what we’ve lost and concentrate on the negative. Instead, spend your time alone practicing relaxation techniques like meditation and prayer.

Relaxation and Sleep:

It’s important for both our bodies and our minds, to help them cope with stress, to establish a consistent sleep pattern: go to bed and get up at the same time every day, make sure you are getting enough sleep (6-8 hours) and allow yourself time to relax before bed. If you are having trouble with this last one, try taking a warm shower or listening to something relaxing before bed.

Eating Healthy and Exercise:

Instead of turning to junk food, alcohol, or other unhealthy habits when stressed, keeps your body at its best by turning to healthy foods and eating habits. It’s also best, though difficult, to keep your body active by participating in 20-30 minutes of exercise a day.

Letting Go:

When we lose someone or find ourselves in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation we tend to want to avoid it. Our minds struggle to block it out, unconsciously creating resistance and stress. One of the best ways to deal with grief and stress is to let go of this resistance and become aware of how we are feeling in the present moment.

Humans love to be in control, and when a moment comes that we cannot change or control we become stressed. But in accepting that we cannot change what has happened and becoming aware of our thoughts and breathing, we can begin to de-stress. Try it out slowly, with small things that bother you; become aware of them and how they make you feel, and where they lead your thoughts. Then try it again, and again. It may take practice but letting go can be one of the most effective stress relievers.

Click here for information on Donna’s new healing workshop:  “Grieving Mothers-Grieving Women”, April 27, 2013.

Asking for Help is Essential to Managing Stress

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Certain individuals are hardwired to withstand higher stress levels than others, and something that may be incredibly stressful to one person may be only slightly irritating to another. Although we all react to stress in unique ways, one thing is consistently certain: stress affects everyone at some point in their life. If we know stress is a normal, presumptive aspect of the human condition, why do so many stressed out people avoid asking for help?

 

Often, when we are faced with our darkest, most harried or unbearable moments, we shut down, withdraw and become insular. We are embarrassed about the source of our stress, or we feel it is too tiresome to discuss. Most commonly, stress sufferers are afraid that reaching out, admitting they need help, will make them appear weak and out of control.

 

Periods of duress in our lives can strain our ability to think clearly and make sound judgements, so it’s no wonder stress causes people to isolate themselves. Alienating friends and family is a knee jerk defense mechanism, but this will only compound feelings of helplessness. Consulting a professional, like a therapist or a counselor, a friend, family member, spiritual advisor or a support group, is the first step in taking control of the stress and managing it properly. How can each of these support networks help you reduce and manage your stress?

 

Therapist or Counselor

Trained professionals are there to listen and allow you to vent. Since they have been specifically educated to understand a variety of psychological issues, mental health professionals can provide you with coping mechanisms and anti-stress exercises. They may ask you questions, delving into the cause of your stress, thereby helping you to understand and manage it better. A therapist’s office is also a great place to leave stress behind. Spending an hour or two a week unloading in a controlled environment will tell your mind to leave the problems there, with the therapist, instead of carrying them around with you all the time.

 

Friends and Family

Your immediate, built in network of friends and family can be an unparalleled source of comfort. They love you, and do not want to see you collapse under the weight of stress and anxiety. Remember this and do not be ashamed ask for their help. Leaning on a friend or a loved one gives you a chance to cry, hug or even find ways to laugh about your problems. And your close network can help in other ways too. When they ask what they can do for you, tell them what would alleviate some of the strain. They might be willing to watch your kids for a couple hours, run a few errands for you or straighten up your house. If your best friend or a family member needed you, you’d be there for them too.

 

Spiritual Advisors

Spiritual and religious beliefs notwithstanding, many people feel the need to seek spiritual refuge when they are stressed. If your inclination is to hand over your problems to a higher power, this may be the perfect support outlet for you. No, a priest, minister or church counselor cannot physically take away your anxiety or solve your problems for you. But they can guide you to a path of peace and strength through spirituality. You can also create your own spiritual solace through prayer, meditation or breathing.

 

Support Groups

Locate a support group that will connect you with others suffering from stress. It may help to share your thoughts and feelings with those experiencing similar turmoil. A simple Internet search can lead you to a support group in your area, but be sure to research it before you go. Ensure the group is affiliated with a reputable organization and that the facilitator is licensed to practice group support sessions.

 

If you are nervous about asking for help, start slow. There are plenty of books, CDs, DVDs and Internet sources that reinforce the importance of a support network to decreasing and managing stress. Take time to read and learn about what you are going through. Most self-help material will reinforce how critical it is to accept help. Your stress may seem insurmountable, so do not underestimate the power of a solid support system.

Deal with Stress During the Holidays

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It is that time of year again; that whirlwind of gift-giving holidays, marketing blitzes, holiday parties and activities galore that begins right after Halloween, builds to Thanksgiving, and continues gaining momentum through the end of the year.  For many this is the most favorite time of the year, but for others it is filled with pressure and stress.  My strategy for dealing with stress during the holidays is simple, “do less and be more”.

FAMILY STRESS
The holiday season is also a time when many of us spend time with family members that we may only see once or twice a year.  Seeing people that may emotionally charge us is one of the biggest holiday stressors.  Before seeing those individuals that cause you stress, take time to do some deep meditative breathing.  Think about the situations that may arise and bring you stress, contemplate what you may do differently in this situation instead of your typical reaction to this stressful person.  While breathing think about what it is that you are thankful for.  By finding something to be grateful for it crowds out other feelings of resentment and annoyance.  Another option is to reduce time spent with certain family members if you find it too uncomfortable.  Give yourself permission to strongly consider this.

LESS IS MORE
When we over-do we spread ourselves too thin and we are left feeling frazzled.  It is easy during this time of year to fill up your schedule with every holiday party that you are invited to.  Commit to less events and the truly enjoy the people at the ones you attend.  Being with friends, family and co-workers at this time of year is what the season is all about anyways.

HOLIDAY SPENDING
With the marketing promotions out there it is hard to resist spending and buying.  There is no reason to finance your holidays for the next six months, which will inevitably cause more stress down the road.  Be reasonable with holiday spending.  You can also tell your children/family members that you are setting a limit on spending for each because that is the responsible thing to do. You can ask them what type of gift(s) they would like within your holiday budget. This also gives them choices.  Keep in mind that you are demonstrating financial responsibility and boundaries to others and avoiding later debt and stress.

GIVING TO THOSE IN NEED
Please remember the ones who are truly in need of holiday cheer this time of year; don’t forget to donate to local charities. If you feel moved to help feed the hungry in metro Detroit, Gleaners Food Bank, a wonderful organization allows for online donations.  http://www.gcfb.org   There are many hungry people that will not have the spread of holiday foods we may take for granted.

Above all, this holiday season to take time to be present to all of the wonderful people in your life; time passes by much too quickly.  Enjoy the time that you do have with those in your life that bring you joy.

Blessings to you and your families,

Donna Marie

Mindfulness: Two Powerful Techniques to Reduce Your Stress at Work

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Have you found yourself becoming more stressed out then usual? Stress, especially in the workplace, can occur for many reasons. Most people fly through life very quickly, not taking time to slow down and enjoy their lives, but simply push through one day to the next.

Moving through the workday at this speed does not allow you the time needed to process any of the daily ups and downs you might encounter during your workday. Dealing with stress at work is an important skill set to cultivate. The more you take the time to work through the minor stressors at work, the easier it will be for you to let each little work incident go, and the happier you will be overall with your job and work situation.

One important thing you can do when it comes to dealing with stress at work, is to give thanks as often as you can. This is a practice called Mindfulness Meditation.

Being aware, in your body, and living life moment to moment, gives you the ability to be thankful for what you have, and analyze the situation around you before responding. Mindfullness Meditation is a wonderful way to relax your mind and your body at the beginning and end of the day.

Another way you can deal with stress at work is to accept that there are certain things in your life that are not within your control. You can’t control assignments you are given, an individuals opinion of you, the hours you have to work every day- but you can make huge strides towards feeling stress free by accepting that there are some things that you personally cannot change.

Instead you can focus more specifically on things that are within your control. You can control how you react in a certain situation, how you communicate with your boss or co-workers, and how much time you give yourself daily to relax and reflect.

Thinking through the things that are within your power to control, gives you the ability to deal with stress at work in a proactive and productive way.