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Stress and Grief

March 20, 2013 by Donna Marie

Mum regrets the daughter We experience pressures in our lives every day and when those pressures start piling up and get to be too much for us to handle we can begin to feel like a stick that is about to break.

When grief from a loss combines with daily stresses the feeling of being overwhelmed can heighten stress and make us feel weak and close to snapping.

Stress can lead to a number of health problems and can zap us of energy and a zest for life. But when we learn how to perceive stress and learn different ways of managing it, we can begin to strengthen and learn how not to break under pressure.

3 KEY Stress Reduction Techniques to Help with Grief

We all have our own ways of dealing with stress, some healthy, some not so healthy. When stress and grief combine after a loss or death it can be significantly harder to choose healthy ways of dealing. While we might feel like shouting at everyone and everything, might be afraid to go to sleep at night and may turn to unhealthy habits to make us feel better, these can all make the problem worse. Some healthier and more productive ways to deal with stress include; meditation and prayer, relaxation and sleep, and healthy eating and exercising.

Meditation and Prayer:

When grieving, our natural instincts often lead us to retreat inside of ourselves. And while reflection can be helpful, we often choose to dwell on what we’ve lost and concentrate on the negative. Instead, spend your time alone practicing relaxation techniques like meditation and prayer.

Relaxation and Sleep:

It’s important for both our bodies and our minds, to help them cope with stress, to establish a consistent sleep pattern: go to bed and get up at the same time every day, make sure you are getting enough sleep (6-8 hours) and allow yourself time to relax before bed. If you are having trouble with this last one, try taking a warm shower or listening to something relaxing before bed.

Eating Healthy and Exercise:

Instead of turning to junk food, alcohol, or other unhealthy habits when stressed, keeps your body at its best by turning to healthy foods and eating habits. It’s also best, though difficult, to keep your body active by participating in 20-30 minutes of exercise a day.

Letting Go:

When we lose someone or find ourselves in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation we tend to want to avoid it. Our minds struggle to block it out, unconsciously creating resistance and stress. One of the best ways to deal with grief and stress is to let go of this resistance and become aware of how we are feeling in the present moment.

Humans love to be in control, and when a moment comes that we cannot change or control we become stressed. But in accepting that we cannot change what has happened and becoming aware of our thoughts and breathing, we can begin to de-stress. Try it out slowly, with small things that bother you; become aware of them and how they make you feel, and where they lead your thoughts. Then try it again, and again. It may take practice but letting go can be one of the most effective stress relievers.

Click here for information on Donna’s new healing workshop: “Grieving Mothers-Grieving Women”, April 27, 2013.

Mindfulness Meditation Techniques to Deal with Stress – Part 1

January 9, 2011 by Donna Marie

I write frequently about how to deal with stress using mindfulness meditation. In this series of articles I’m going to go deeper into the practice of mindfulness meditation so you may more effectively include some part of the method I will describe in your daily practice for health and wellbeing. If you don’t already have a daily practice, please follow this series to learn three very simple techniques that will have you reducing your stress in no time at all.

I’ll be focusing on one technique at a time. Before I introduce the first technique, I’d like to give you a little insight into how we typically experience stress and especially how we learn to respond to stressful events in life.

When you are feeling stressed it is because you feel that you cannot control outcomes that you would like. Most of us aren’t really aware of the actual causes of stress. We experience all manner of negative feelings – stress, discomfort, anger, sadness, frustration – in response to events, situations and the behavior of others in our lives.

Most of us believe that external events, situations and behaviors “cause” our distress, and therefore they must be controlled, managed or eliminated somehow in order to reduce our stress. We soon discover it’s not possible to manage all of the things in our lives that bother us. So, we become discouraged believing that we must either put up with ever increasing stress or numb out in some way (often with alcohol or food – also known as “Happy Hour.”)

Here’s a little model I use to show how stress really works. Instead of the external situation directly causing our stress there are two intervening steps to consider:

We often become aware of stress when we notice our actions or the reactions in our bodies.

We miss the whole intervening process of observation, thought and meaning making, and emotions. It’s not the event, itself that causes stress, it’s our take on it, which then tells us how to feel about it and ultimately how to respond.

Focusing on the negative, distressing aspects of an event or another person’s behavior, or interpret situations as threatening, causes the stress hormones to flow freely. On the other hand, if you manage your thoughts to be at least neutral or find positive aspects of the situation you will experience far less distress.

You have no control of the many situations going on around you that seem to be the cause of your stress.

However, the one thing that you do have control over is how you decide to think about those situations. That is the bottom line.

Managing your thoughts is tricky if you haven’t even been aware of having them. That’s where Mindfulness Meditation comes in. Mindfulness helps you to slow down long enough to become aware of what is happening in your mind, body and emotions where you have more control. Mindfulness meditation helps you to become aware of how your body responds to stress, the emotions you are having and of the thoughts that trigger your emotions.

Mindfulness Meditation Technique #1:

Sit down (right now) and take 5 deep breaths.
Now focus on your breath going in and out.
Notice it without identifying it as “Am I doing this right or wrong?” Many people stay in their heads when first doing this, so practice on noticing your breathing as is goes in and out, without judgment.

Simple? Easy? Yes it can be. Practice is the key. Do this throughout your day. Set an hourly timer if you want to remind you of this practice.

Doing frequent deep breathing sessions will help you focus in the moment and allow you to notice your thoughts, emotions and tension in your body.

In the next article I will discuss how long held beliefs shape our stress reactions and the second Mindfulness Meditation Technique.

Make your daily practice easy with Donna Marie’s Relaxations for Inner Peace audio program of guided meditations, soothing music and soundDe-Stress Store.

Check out Donna Marie’s upcoming experiential workshops at https://dealwithstresstoday.com/events-calendar/