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What’s Your Language?

January 31, 2012 by Donna Marie

Compliment OthersAs Valentine’s Day approaches I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  This quote from Leo Buscaglia is the perfect reminder of the importance of sharing with those in your life how much they mean to you.

There is also this wonderful story from Chicken Soup for the Soul.

A Story For Valentine’s Day

Larry and Jo Ann were an ordinary couple. They lived in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

Like any other ordinary couple, they struggled to make ends meet and to do the right things for their children.

They were ordinary in yet another way—they had their squabbles. Much of their conversation concerned what was wrong in their marriage and who was to blame.

Until one day when a most extraordinary event took place.

“You know, Jo Ann, I’ve got a magic chest of drawers. Every time I open them, they’re full of socks and underwear,” Larry said. “I want to thank you for filling them all these years.”

Jo Ann stared at her husband over the top of her glasses. “What do you want, Larry?”

“Nothing. I just want you to know I appreciate those magic drawers.”

This wasn’t the first time Larry had done something odd, so Jo Ann pushed the incident out of her mind until a few days later.

“Jo Ann, thank you for recording so many correct check numbers in the ledger this month. You put down the right numbers 15 out of 16 times. That’s a record.”

Disbelieving what she had heard, Jo Ann looked up from her mending. “Larry, you’re always complaining about my recording the wrong check numbers. Why stop now?”

“No reason. I just wanted you to know I appreciate the effort you’re making.”

Jo Ann shook her head and went back to her mending. “What’s got into him?” she mumbled to herself.

Nevertheless, the next day when Jo Ann wrote a check at the grocery store, she glanced at her checkbook to confirm that she had put down the right check number. “Why do I suddenly care about those dumb check numbers?” she asked herself.

She tried to disregard the incident, but Larry’s strange behavior intensified.

“Jo Ann, that was a great dinner,” he said one evening. “I appreciate all your effort. Why, in the past 15 years I’ll bet you’ve fixed over 14,000 meals for me and the kids.”

Then “Gee, Jo Ann, the house looks spiffy. You’ve really worked hard to get it looking so good.” And even “Thanks, Jo Ann, for just being you. I really enjoy your company.”

Jo Ann was growing worried. “Where’s the sarcasm, the criticism?” she wondered.

Her fears that something peculiar was happening to her husband were confirmed by 16-year-old Shelly, who complained, “Dad’s gone bonkers, Mom. He just told me I looked nice. With all this makeup and these sloppy clothes, he still said it. That’s not Dad, Mom.

What’s wrong with him?”

Whatever was wrong, Larry didn’t get over it. Day in and day out he continued focusing on the positive.

Over the weeks, Jo Ann grew more accustomed to her mate’s unusual behavior and occasionally even gave him a grudging “Thank you.” She prided herself on taking it all in stride, until one day something so peculiar happened, she became completely discombobulated:

“I want you to take a break,” Larry said. “I am going to do the dishes. So please take your hands off that frying pan and leave the kitchen.”

(Long, long pause.) “Thank you, Larry. Thank you very much!”

Jo Ann’s step was now a little lighter, her self-confidence higher and once in a while she hummed. She didn’t seem to have as many blue moods anymore. “I rather like Larry’s new behavior,” she thought.

That would be the end of the story except one day another most extraordinary event took place. This time it was Jo Ann who spoke.

“Larry,” she said, “I want to thank you for going to work and providing for us all these years. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I appreciate it.”

Larry has never revealed the reason for his dramatic change of behavior no matter how hard Jo Ann has pushed for an answer, and so it will likely remain one of life’s mysteries. But it’s one I’m thankful to live with.

You see, I am Jo Ann.   Jo Ann Larsen, Deseret News

Both of these illustrate the importance of sharing with the loved ones in your life how much they mean to you.  You never know the difference you make in someone’s day when you take the time to tell them or show them how important they are to you.  If you are wondering the best way to show those special people in your life, I recommend reading The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Coleman.  To learn your love language you can check out his website and take a quick quiz here.

Deal with Stress During the Holidays

December 5, 2011 by Donna Marie

It is that time of year again; that whirlwind of gift-giving holidays, marketing blitzes, holiday parties and activities galore that begins right after Halloween, builds to Thanksgiving, and continues gaining momentum through the end of the year.  For many this is the most favorite time of the year, but for others it is filled with pressure and stress.  My strategy for dealing with stress during the holidays is simple, “do less and be more”.

FAMILY STRESS
The holiday season is also a time when many of us spend time with family members that we may only see once or twice a year.  Seeing people that may emotionally charge us is one of the biggest holiday stressors.  Before seeing those individuals that cause you stress, take time to do some deep meditative breathing.  Think about the situations that may arise and bring you stress, contemplate what you may do differently in this situation instead of your typical reaction to this stressful person.  While breathing think about what it is that you are thankful for.  By finding something to be grateful for it crowds out other feelings of resentment and annoyance.  Another option is to reduce time spent with certain family members if you find it too uncomfortable.  Give yourself permission to strongly consider this.

LESS IS MORE
When we over-do we spread ourselves too thin and we are left feeling frazzled.  It is easy during this time of year to fill up your schedule with every holiday party that you are invited to.  Commit to less events and the truly enjoy the people at the ones you attend.  Being with friends, family and co-workers at this time of year is what the season is all about anyways.

HOLIDAY SPENDING
With the marketing promotions out there it is hard to resist spending and buying.  There is no reason to finance your holidays for the next six months, which will inevitably cause more stress down the road.  Be reasonable with holiday spending.  You can also tell your children/family members that you are setting a limit on spending for each because that is the responsible thing to do. You can ask them what type of gift(s) they would like within your holiday budget. This also gives them choices.  Keep in mind that you are demonstrating financial responsibility and boundaries to others and avoiding later debt and stress.

GIVING TO THOSE IN NEED
Please remember the ones who are truly in need of holiday cheer this time of year; don’t forget to donate to local charities. If you feel moved to help feed the hungry in metro Detroit, Gleaners Food Bank, a wonderful organization allows for online donations.  http://www.gcfb.org   There are many hungry people that will not have the spread of holiday foods we may take for granted.

Above all, this holiday season to take time to be present to all of the wonderful people in your life; time passes by much too quickly.  Enjoy the time that you do have with those in your life that bring you joy.

Blessings to you and your families,

Donna Marie

A Mindful and No Cost Gift – Reduce Your Holiday Stress

December 14, 2010 by Donna Marie

As we go through this season of giving, finding the right gift for the right person may have one feel stumped not knowing what to purchase or create for another.

The most rewarding gifts I have given are words  from the heart. They can take the form of a letter with specific acknowledgements to another.

I have sent many Word Gift Letters to family and friends.   Words of gratitude, thankfulness, and/or encouragement fill the soul with love.

Written personal words can take on a deeper heartfelt love.  Many assume others really know how we feel about them, yet often they don’t.  So why not tell them?

Write the letter and trust that you will find the perfect words. The spoken and written word is so powerful when shared with love and compassion.

This season send a letter to someone who has impacted your life; your partner, parent, a care-giver, friend,  lover, family, etc.

I encourage you to stretch outside your self and share with them your appreciation of the relationship.  Recall specific incidences and be creative.

Using loving words from your heart will never be unheard!  Want to top this?  Read it to them in person!

The results are priceless!  Happy Holidays!

Fondly, Donna

About Donna

donnamarie300

Donna Marie, a consultant, confidante, and champion of stress reduction, has developed a host of effective, easy techniques proven to retrain both the brain’s and body’s responses to stress.  Read More

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