Deal with stress

Overcoming Stress of Public Speaking

August 8, 2013 by Donna Marie

Picture the audience in their underwear. Pretend you are standing in front of a mirror. Pick a spot just above everyone’s head and focus your attention there. Everyone has their own advice for those that are afraid of speaking in public, as many of us are. While some people seem to be born standing and speaking in front of groups, a large percentage of people experience a crippling fear at the prospect. This fear can halt some careers, or prevent future successes. But while most of us believe it is the thought of being in front of so many people that causes us stress, in fact there may be something else triggering these emotions; a memory of a past experience.

We can probably all pin point a time from our childhood when we embarrassed ourselves in front of our peers; putting yourself out there when you are young can be terrifying and young kids are far from forgiving if you make a mistake. A bad experience when young can scar us for life. Eventually we get over the initial embarrassment and as we get older we store the memory away, along with the “feeling state” associated with the event. It is this state that comes back to us as we once again face the prospect of speaking in front of a group. We may not remember the specific event that caused us to feel like we do, but we definitely remember the fear.

Since these fears can resurface when asked to deliver a speech, a toast, or even a prayer at a family dinner, it is best to learn to control them. So, how do we control our fear if it is based on a forgotten experience? The simple answer is; practice. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will be. But it is also important to recognize and understand the “feeling state” which causes us to feel the fear. Once we can understand, and then release the feelings that cause us stress, we can begin to alleviate the fear. Releasing the fear is a skill that must be learned, and of course practiced, but once mastered your comfort and confidence will increase naturally over time.

Don’t let stress control you and your body; take back that control by simply being mindful.

July 14, 2013 by Donna Marie

Our minds and bodies are talking to us all the time; they tell us when we are stressed, or upset, or unhappy with a situation. By listening to our body’s reactions to a situation we can control how we react to it, the problem is, most of us don’t listen. But, it is possible, through a technique called Mindfulness to be more aware of our bodies and our feelings throughout the day and therefore control the thoughts and actions that lead to stress.

Stressful situations arise all the time and most people assume it is a particular event causing us to feel stressed while in fact it is because we feel we have no control over the situation. These situations and our reactions to them occur so often they have basically become habit. We don’t realize we are tensing our shoulders or grinding our teeth until our bodies become too pained to ignore. Our reactions to stress become as out of control as the situation.

One thing we can have control over is our thoughts. So, to avoid habitual stress, and to become more in control of our thoughts, feelings, and reactions, we must begin to practice mindfulness throughout the day. Being mindful simply requires taking some time to become aware of what is going on around us at any given moment. Not trying to change or control a situation, but simply concentrating on what is happening and the feelings or thoughts you are experiencing.

Being mindful, without trying to control or change, can take some practice. Try this; if you are feeling particularly stressed or out of sorts, stop what you are doing and focus on your thoughts; what were you thinking about that caused you to feel like this? Take a moment to clear your head and concentrate on the here and now, not the future or what needs to be done.

Practice this habit throughout your day. Before you go into a meeting take a few deep breaths and don’t focus on anything else except those breaths. While sitting at your desk, focus on the task at hand instead of what you need to do later. Use all five senses to be totally aware of the present moment and what your thoughts are doing to your body. Once you are aware of your thoughts, you can begin to control them. Using this control you can change how you perceive a situation and what it does to your body.

Don’t let stress control you and your body; take back that control by simply being mindful.

Positive Psychology

June 5, 2013 by Donna Marie

We know we can feel sad or upset when we are stressed, but did you know that being sad or upset may be making you more stressed? In turn, being stressed can weaken our immune system and increase our chances of disease. Anger, anxiety and sadness can all trigger our stress response and wear down our bodies.

Luckily the damage done by stress and anxiety can be undone by the ongoing practice of changing our state of mind.

Positive Psychology has found several emotional states that can contribute to greater emotional resilience, health and fulfillment. Just like we need to work to make our bodies stronger, there are ways to work to keep our minds and emotions stronger; to focus on positive feelings instead of our daily stresses, which can often consume us.

By taking time when we are stressed to focus on ourselves and channel our emotions, we can learn to calm our stress levels. Once we learn to get ourselves into these states of positive thought regularly, our stress levels can be lowered, our overall outlook changed and our health improved.

Loss – A Universal Experience

May 7, 2013 by Donna Marie

When we experience loss, we experience grief. It is a natural process that affects us all. Whatever race, color or creed, we are all effected when we lose someone or something dear to us. While grief is a universal feeling that transcends cultures, the way we deal with the emotion can vary depending on where you live. Different cultures have different approaches to handling loss and grief.

In the U.S. and Western European countries, while we remember those we have lost, we tend to need to move on and resume our normal lives and routines. We may detach ourselves from the emotional ties we once felt toward those we have lost. In Hispanic cultures however the deceased are celebrated long after their death and they encourage remembrance and emotional ties. Other cultures vary in how they express their grief; African and Middle Eastern cultures showing public displays of grief and Asian cultures discouraging public displays of emotion.

No matter how we express our grief, the way we feel about the loss of a loved one typically does not vary. There is a process we all experience no matter our culture. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross lays out this process in her Universal Stages of Grief. The stages most of us experience are; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Though we can attempt to label the things we feel, grief is a complicated emotion and may not only be limited to these stages. One may also feel; pain, guilt, isolation, reflection or readjustment. And though we may experience them differently, most of us, no matter our culture, may experience some or all of these stages after loss.

Just as the type of grieving may vary, as does the type of loss that may cause us to grieve. There are many types of loss that can cause us to grieve and they are not merely limited to death. We can also experience grief after the loss of a job, a home, some aspect of our health or our current financial status.

It’s important to remember that while the stages of grief and approaches to emotion can be generalized according to culture, everyone is different and loss is a poignant emotion that will cause us all to react differently. The grieving process is a very personal progression in which many grieve in many different ways.

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